It feels that way. After several years of wondering about the future of the private school where I have worked for twenty years, I learned the answer today. While the school will continue, the Board of Directors has determined that the budget does not allow for the continued presence of a librarian on the faculty. Even though I reacted with equanimity, inside I am in turmoil. Even though I knew that my time here might be limited, I always thought I would be the one determining when I would say goodbye.
As I walked through the halls of the building I first entered in the fall of 1991, everything seemed different. How could things be the same when the building where I have come since my children were young (three are now married, two with children of their own) will, in a few months, no longer be my almost daily destination?
The class arriving in the library after I received the news, of course, knew nothing. The only difference was that I threw caution to the winds and allowed the kids to look at newly arrived books, without labeling or entering them into the record first. Better let children see and enjoy them now. With the school year winding down, and the future of the collections uncertain, who knows what will be in store for these treasures and the others already on the shelves?
I have always tried to keep the tone of this blog upbeat, so forgive me for deviating from the normal atmosphere. There is, there must be, a silver lining in this cloud. I must simply go out and find it.